THE BAGHDAD BENGALS

We’re all animals, we’re all natural disasters

If i’m coming at all these days i’m coming faster than usual

I exist only in context, if we break up it’ll be on text

I exist in context alone, if i break your heart it’s gonna be on the phone

Big buff guy in a puppy mask, redneck guy in a puppy mask

Redneck guy in an open casket, he was never nice to me

Ransom note in a jar of jelly beans, I’m gonna be on TV

She’s got teeth where no teeth should be, well I guess that’s alright with me

THE BAGHDAD BENGALS ARE FREE AT LAST

THE BAGHDAD BENGALS WERE BORN FREE

We’re all animals, we’re all natural disasters

If i’m coming at all these days i’m coming faster than usual

Browsing urban outfitters for hours, 

searching for a shirt that says “No gods no masters”

We started fucking before the tornado warning

The house is crumbling the walls are plaster

Check out my animal instincts

You can’t resists my animal instincts

I’m in a cage and only you can free me

We can watch the sopranos on my flat screen TV

What you want, you eat

What you eat, you are

What you are, you don’t want to be

So where does that leave us?

CHORUS

A streak of tigers in a cage at the baghdad zoo

A young tiger asks the leader of the streak why we do what we do

Why we say what we say

When it seems that so many cages keep getting in the way

The leader looks out the bars of his enclosure and says,

“I think about that question every goddamn day.”

And he says…

DO IT FOR THE PLOT

“Everybody wants a story 

Everybody wants to know what’s up

Whatcha gonna do

Everybody loves a hero

Everybody loves to hate the bad bad guy with the patch on his eye

Doing bad bad deeds with the brace on his knee

Why are you the way you are?

So close, but no cigar

What ya gonna do?

Do you do it for them or you?

Why do you do it?

I DO IT FOR THE PLOT

DO IT WHEN YOU’RE HERE DO IT WHEN YOU’RE NOT

I DO IT FOR THE PLOT

I THOUGHT I MADE IT OBVIOUS I GUESS THAT I FORGOT

When stars come down from the pitch black sky

And you realize there are no good guys

The sins of the father and the sins of the mother

Bring us closer to one another

One if by land, Two if by sea

None if by you, three if by me

Doctor, doctor can I get a receipt

I wanna have everything right now for free

Why are you always this way

Can’t make eye contact on dates

Looking up and looking down

But never looking at what’s right the fuck in front of your face

Why do you do it?”

CHORUS

WHITE FANG SAFARI

White fang safari, I’m going down on your mother

It’s gonna ruin the tour it’s gonna fuck up your summer

Northwest Pasasge I’m gonna freeze to death

I’m making out with your dad, I’m grabbin his hairy chest

Carmela Soprano shot a man in atlanta

Taking all my clothes off and having public meltdowns

A SWAN SONG FOR SYLVIA PLATH

YOU DONT HAVE TO BE SO GODDAMN MATTER OF FACT 

I’VE GOT SIX AND A HALF

WHITE FANG SAFARI, WHAT DO YOU PACK?

The american troops drop bombs over baghdad

Breaking the bones of the city at large

And fire and brimstone look kinda pretty 

From up high in the sky some guy says into a headset

Look at the zoo and all the zebras and giraffes

And elephants too and he starts to laugh

The tigers look out through a hole in the wall

They’re finally free, yeah they’re finally free

CHORUS

ZOOKEEPER

I had a parakeet named after John Williams

And a rat named after Miles Davis 

And ancestors up in the mountains

Who thought only jesus could save us

Birds named after composers

You’ve got brown nosers, kneeling down to your loafers

Give a mouse some praise he’ll ask for degradation

Or at least a debate on he state of our nation

WHEN I GROW UP I WANNA BE A ZOOKEEPER

WIDE AWAKE LIKE ANY GOOD SLEEPER

WHEN I GROW UP I WANNA BE A ZOOKEEPER

WIDE AWAKE! WIDE AWAKE!

I remember at the pool with my halfway friends

They were doing various dives into the deep end

I was sitting on a chair wearing my towel like a cape

Writing a piano piece, dreaming of escape

CHORUS

And the tigers discuss, should we leave our cage

When it’s provided such security and guaranteed safety 

But the leader of the streak says in a fiery rage:

“This place hasn’t felt like home to me lately

I’m not gonna die like this (cannonball)

I’m not gonna die like this (corkscrew)

I’m not gonna die like this (bellyflop)

I’m not gonna die like this (backflip)”

MAKING FRIENDS

Hangin on the to the kick drum  like the far end of a lifeboat

Written on the doorframe: “What you did last summer, I know…”

Poisoning the menagerie, with pastries from the boulangerie

IM MAKIN FRIENDS 

GOOD FRIENDS

LONG LASTING FRIENDS

TRUE FRIENDS

And though the beasts were finally free

They were accustomed to some tasty meats

Being thrown to them twice a week

So they didn’t have to HUNT

And now they’re put into a tricky sitch

They’ve got a hunger yeah they’ve got an itch

And then they see a plump Iraqi bitch

They can smell her SCENT

CHORUS

Silence of the lambs, TV Edit

Looking for an old man with an open line of credit

Dances with wolves, Director’s Cut

Looking for an old lady who’s down to fuck

CHORUS

WE GO TO RUSSIA

What the fuck does Gaga know about cameras?

You sayin’ I’m lion? Cause i’m making enemies with antelopes?

Cantaloupes, I see you got ‘em

Hot girl summer? No it’s Fat Boy Autumn, awesome

WE GO TO RUSSIA WE GO TO AFRICA WE GO TO FRANCE

And the tigers chow down on some innocent kid

‘Cause they don’t know better, AND HE TASTES LIKE CHICKEN

And the soldiers in town are alerted to this

And they say to themselves

What the fuck does Kanye know about Gaga anyway

I’ve got the pictures and I’ll get em to you anyday

I’ve got the pictures and i’ll get them to you never

For never? For never ever? For never ever?

CHORUS

A PLAN BEGINS TO FORM

And the harrowing sound of boots on the ground 

Fills the leaders ears

And the others deny that the end is nigh

But the leader knows what he hears

Though he isn’t scared, because he’s been prepared

For this moment since the day he was born

So thinks on his feet, and in just a short beat

A plan begins to form

And he says, to no one in particular:

“Everybody wants a story

Everybody wants to know what’s up

Whatcha gonna do Everybody loves a hero

Everybody loves to hate the bad bad guy

… the bad bad guy…

I won’t let them forget me

I won’t be like the rest

I won’t let them forget me

I don’t need to be the best

I just need to be a tattoo

On history’s hairy chest

So here’s the plan:

WE EAT AS MANY FUCKING PEOPLE AS WE CAN!

I DO IT FOR THE PLOT

I’LL DO IT WHEN I’M HERE

YOU’LL KNOW IT WHEN I’M NOT

I DO IT FOR THE PLOT

YOU’LL NEVER SAY THE WORDS

‘I GUESS THAT I FORGOT’

Cause i did it for the PLOT!”

ZIMBABWE PAULIE WALNUTS

There’s a place at the center of the earth 

Where the penguins go to burn 

Everybody finding their self worth 

In grand symphonic unison

We’re all dancing to this 12 step beat

It’s brand new groove, baby smell my feet

Gotta a brand new outlook - microsoft

I like it hard, you like it soft

ZIMBABWE PAULIE WALNUTS

ONCE IN A GENERATION-AL TRAUMA

Beached whales, Bleached holes

Keep a boot on so you have a sole

Beached whales, Bleached holes

I’m getting pale. I’m getting old

Beached whales, Bleached whales

Whole grain whales. Sold, For sale

Beached whales, Blow holes

Uncut blow, Cash for gold

CHORUS

Christopher Moltisanti 

Eating a moldy salami

Listening to motomami

While motorboating your mommy

The tigers devour all the flesh sweet and sour

The soldiers approach, looking on with reproach

The tigers attack. The soldiers Defend

There’s only one way That this can end

CHORUS

ZOOKEEPER FINALE

As the tigers and Iraqi artillery come face to face

All of  the tigers accept their fate

Except one, who stares straight down the barrel

And gnashes his teeth like something feral

He says:

“I’m not gonna die like this (cannonball)

I’m not gonna die like this (corkscrew)

I’m not gonna die like this (bellyflop)

I’m not gonna die like this (backflip)

I’m not gonna die like this

I did it for the—”

THE BAGHDAD BENGALS (REPRISE)

We’re all animals

We’re all unpardoned turkeys

I’m not cumming at all these days

I’m too busy working

Filling a hole in the dressing room at The GAP

I don’t need your body, I just need a nap

There are pictures of it, you should know that

Lady Gaga took them with a cheap Kodak 

What you you want you take

Like your morning meds

Tony Soprano doesn’t know

All his phony friends are feds

THE BAGHDAD BENGALS ARE FREE AT LAST

THE BAGHDAD BENGALS ARE BORN FREE

We’re all animals

We’re all active volcanos

Filled with bathtub hair and resistant to draino

If I’m coming at all it’s dry as a bone

If I say I don’t love you then you’ll cry on the phone

I’ve got a lot to learn

I’ve a got million reasons to check out

You can still see the belt marks when I stick my neck out

The tigers got there eventually

CHORUS

The zookeeper turns into a tiger. It is painful and grotesque and beautiful to behold.